My grandmother.

This shall be a very wordy post. Pardon me of my grammar error and horrible English. These few days if you have been wondering what happens here it is .... My grandmother has been looking after me since I'm young. In my memories I tends to be very rebel towards her. During my kindergarten period, when my granny fetch me to school I refused to go home. I will sit down on the middle of the road side making out a big embarrassed scene whirling crying out loud stumbler my feet and sit still like a status butt been glued to the ground. During my primary school period my granny would buy me a saving box everyday she will give me 20cents to save, buy me lunch everyday, pray for me when I'm bad in my studies, side me and protect me when my parents or brothers beat me up. Pampered me in all the ways she could. What I wants she would buy for me. I still remember there was once she purchase carrot cake, wanton noodle for me everyday and I got sick of it. I started nagging at her loudly, refusing to eat. In my secondary school period my granny would give me money like 20 dollars whenever I wanted to buy something or I have no money at all. She would always never failed to give me morning calls waking me up for school as we shared the same room. As usual I'm unappreciated, I often scold her for her nagging. Shouted at her and ignore her even said nasty words to her. My granny have six sisters she's the number two in rant. Her biggest worry is my dad and her third sister as well as me. My dad being the oldest took the most responsibility anything happens I my granny everyone will tends to blame us. My 3rd auntie always ask my granny to pray for her through a "master". This particular "master" would pray for my studies, job and all our family's problem for blessing. However, my granny is a very cheerful person. Every morning she would walk to the nearest wet market to buy our daily use, talk to her friends. Everywhere she goes people would greet her and she would smile graciously. Honestly I treated my granny pretty badly. This I must admit. I'm selfish never do I think for her. Things happen from way back last year July 2012. Just one fine day when I came back home from work. My granny is not being herself apart from her usual self. She couldn't move, vomiting and could control her bladder. She would shit and urine out of no where. My mum place her on a normal trolley chair pushed her all the way down to our nearest clinic. Everyone is like staring at her with her uncommonly acts. It's feels weird. The GP told us that he doesn't k ow what's going on. Afew days later my granny is admired to Emengecy clinic at TTSH. From there they move her to the ward. Everything is going fine for afew weeks although she can't even talk. Slowly she was moved to ICA. I took an urgent leave from work to head down to the hospital. Everyone is there, our heart is down. My family is crying obviously. Everyone is hoping for a better view. However, the professor of neurological told us that my granny had a stroke. The blood vessel in her brain has burst. Therefore it cause permanent paralyses to her body. She can no longer talks, see or move any part of her body. This sadden us. Everyday we would visit her. Slowly she was moved to the rehab section. I started visiting her less often . From thee she was then moved to Lentor residences nursing home. We could bring her home as all of us is working when changing diapers it requires at least two people to do so. I know my granny has been hoping to go home. I started visiting her lesser and lesser. Due to my new work environment as it was pretty inconvenient and far distance. This year during Chinese New Year we do visit her. I saw others quite healthy patient happily eating food and gathering with her family members. Yet ours? My granny is not as fortune as them. She can't even eat. All we could do is wish her Chinese New Year and place oranges beside her bed. During reunion dinner my granny can't even come home to eat with us. She gonna spent it alone lying on the bed. all she can do is just hear. During my last year 2012 birthday I took early time off bought a small slice of cake and went celebrating with her at Ttsh. This year her actual birthday I didn't attend my mum and brother bought her a cake. They told me she seems happy. The next day I bought cakes to celebrate with her. I was surprised! She acknowledge me by nodding her head. That was the last time I saw her. Just three days ago, around 5am plus my brother ring me up and told me that my granny has pass away. I rushed down immediately. I saw her lying on the bed with not much expression. She seems to pass away peacefully. Out of nowhere I just tears. I cried so much while praying. My granny is a strong believer of Buddha. Buddha believed in going heaven after death and all we. An do is to pray as much as we can to go e her credits. There is no burning of hell notes all these. My mum and dad cried instantly. I still remember I tried to comfort them but I myself cried out of nowhere too. I'm just trying to be strong. First day was horrible. My mood went down. I didn't allowed anyone to know. Not even my close friends. To me what I can do I will just do it well for my granny. I stay awake till 9am the next day. Every night.i would pray with my brothers and my brother's wife. Three of us will pray each section. One section consist of 1 hours plus prayers. It's a long duration period. It wasn't easy at all. We would always take turns. Second day was slightly better I told afew of my secondary school friends(WP,SL,HH,HX,LL) and perhaps 1 or 2 good friends . Yes indeed they came down alone despite staying at jurong thanks Janice. Especially my secondary school friends(HX,LL) who come down constantly for two nights(Thursday and Friday). Thanks my company for sending flowers over. Whoever came down I will remember and be grateful. My boyfriend came down on the second night too constantly. Thank you. You must be thinking its just my granny only. But do you know how close we are? My granny is very close to my family. Every events happiness and sadness we will go through together. She stays at our house. Yesterday I was supposed to look the whole place(Shou Ye) myself alone as I wanted my brother to sleep. He didn't get enough of sleep at all constantly two straight days. Boyfriend is supposed to accompany me but he seems very tired I could understand his job wasn't easy at all so I told him to go home instead. I'm lucky enough that my bro's friends(ZH,WL) stayed back to accompany me till morning. As they are worried for me being alone under the block in the middle of the night kna rape by bangalas. Thank you guys. Alot pf my relatives cane to pay her respect. Majorities I didn't even see before and I don't even know I have a 2nd 姑妈。I always tot I only got 1 姑妈。 The "Master" who used to pray for me in her 80s came down to pay her last respect to my granny. Seeing her in wheel chair half paralyses couldn't walk at all. I feel so touched! She keep insisting that my granny is her "Good/Best friend" and insist of paying respect to her. It really melted my heart instantly. My mum has been cooking lots of delicious Vegetarian dishes for granny , us and all our relatives. This is the best she could do in these five days. Second bro, his wife and me will pray as much as we can to give her credits. Yes we may not be professional or know the meaning at all as it requires lesson to know each and every word stated in the book. However, it's the sincere heart that we can offer. Honestly sometimes I could read until very frustrated, loss of voices and irritated. As some of the prayers section Is one hour plus and you just couldn't stop. A must not stop. Once started you will have to continue till the end."Di Zai Wang Pu Sai Bei Yue Jing". I tends to tears. But I always try to control not to cry. In Buddha please do not cry instead pray more. Let him/her leave walk towards the heaven(Xi Pian) peacefully.Today is the 4 day and the last night. Tomorrow she will be cerement in the morning. Surely all of us will be crying. I wish my granny could be in the heaven with the Godly Gods. This is the least I can do. I miss you granny奶奶。you have stayed with me for 23 years since I was a baby. I'm sorry Granny. I'm pretty sad that some of my uncles didn't even respect her much even the least they can do is to pray and be there during ritual. They didn't. Why? I don't understand. People may see me as normal and happy who know what's we have been through we are all controlling our tears. Till then ... I miss you so much everyday she your photos and your face reminds me of alot of things ....